Wednesday, January 18, 2006

God makes it funny

Edited and added to from: skepticsannotatedbible.com

(6:5) God decides to kill all living things because the human imagination is evil. Later (8:21), after he kills everything, he promises never to do it again because the human imagination is evil. Go figure.

God opens the "windows of heaven." He apparently does this every time it rains. (7:11) Note to die when it is raining so that you can at least try to break in the window if they don't let you in the front door.

God tells Noah to make one small window (18 inches square) in the 450 foot ark for ventilation. (6:16) you don't have to be a nuclear engineer to know that God wants that ark to smell real foul. Is God not saving the righteous?

Noah sends a dove out to see if there was any dry land. But the dove returns without finding any. Then, just seven days later, the dove goes out again and returns with an olive leaf. But how could an olive tree survive the flood? And if any seeds happened to survive, they certainly wouldn't germinate and grow leaves within a seven day period. (8:8-11)

(9:2)According to this verse, all animals fear humans. Although it is true that many do, it is also true that some do not. Sharks and mountain lions, for example, have been known to hunt adult humans, many other animals are known to hunt human children.

(9:9)God is rightly filled with remorse for having killed his creatures. He makes a deal with the animals, promising never to drown them all again. He even puts the rainbow in the sky so that whenever he sees it, it will remind him of his promise so that he won't be tempted to do it again. (Every time God sees the rainbow he says to himself: "Oh, yeah.... That's right. I promised not to drown the animals again. I guess I'll have to find something else to do."). (9:13)

(22:14)Abraham names the place where he nearly kills Isaac after Jehovah. But according to (Ex.6:3), Abraham couldn't have known that God's name was Jehovah. I guess maybe the bible can be wrong.

(35:28) Isaac lives to be 180. This is after God made a new rule that men can only live to be 120 years old(Gen 6:3) . This by co-incident doesn't apply anymore anyways because the oldest man on record was 122 when he died. So something is messed up here--God, the Bible or both.

Who makes it funny?
God makes it funny!

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